Resume Ninjas · Amen, The Alchemist
Is Your Manager Actually a Narcissist?
The red flags you kept ignoring, the body signals you’ve learned to suppress, how to recognize what’s quietly destroying you, your career and your potential — and honoring the light that has been burning inside you this entire time.
Amen, The Alchemist · Resume Ninjas
April 2026 · 9 min read · Workplace Wellbeing · Career Empowerment
There was a bird that had been in a beautiful cage for so long, it started to feel like home. She stopped testing if the door would swing open. The sound of her singing echoed and was heard by only the ears meant to — quietly, carefully, making sure not to take up too much space. She had forgotten that she was built to soar in the open sky. She had forgotten that the bars were never the truth of her limitation, only an illusion. Not a single feather was lost, only stronger wings to rise to higher horizons were being birthed.
If you felt something reading that, stay with me.
You dread Monday mornings in a way that goes beyond tired. You rehearse conversations before they happen. You’ve started questioning your own memory — did that meeting go the way I think it did? You leave work depleted in a way that sleep hasn’t fixed, in a way that weekends or scheduled vacations never reach.
Something is wrong. And somewhere beneath the self-doubt and the second-guessing and the careful shrinking you’ve learned to move through your days with — you already know deep down what it is.
You just need permission to trust it. This is that permission.
“A bad manager can make you feel frustrated. But, a narcissistic manager makes you doubt your own reality. That distinction matters — and it changes everything about how you respond and operate.”
The Red Flags — and Why They’re So Easy to Miss
Narcissistic managers don’t announce themselves, sometimes they do not even know that they are. Many are extraordinarily charming in interviews, beloved by leadership, and masterful at managing upward. The toxicity flows downward — onto the people they supervise, behind closed doors, dressed in the language of “high standards” and “constructive feedback.”
This is what it actually looks like:
Red Flag 01
Your wins become their wins
You delivered the project. They presented it to leadership — without your name. When you raise it, you’re not being a team player. The cage gets a little smaller.
Red Flag 02
Blame flows one direction — toward you
When things go wrong, the fault lands on you — even when you followed their exact instructions. There is no shared accountability. Only yours.
Red Flag 03
Praise arrives just when you’re about to leave
You are “exceptional” — until you set a boundary or push back. Then suddenly you’re difficult. The praise was never about you. It was about keeping you still.
Red Flag 04
Criticism as performance
Feedback arrives in team meetings, on group threads, in front of stakeholders. Never privately. The goal was never your growth. It was your diminishment — witnessed.
Red Flag 05
The goalposts keep moving
You cannot win because winning was never on offer. What earned praise last quarter earns criticism this one. The instability is deliberate. It keeps you focused on them.
Red Flag 06
Your memory is rewritten in 1:1s
“I never said that.” “You’re being too sensitive.” This is gaslighting. And it works because you are honest enough to believe you might be wrong.
Read that last line again. It works because you are honest enough to believe you might be wrong. Your conscientiousness — the very quality that makes you exceptional and irreplaceable — is the thing being used against you. That is not a character flaw. That is a predatory pattern.
Feel the Room. Listen to Your Body. It Has Been Keeping Score.
The professional world will never put this in a performance review: your nervous system is one of the most sophisticated data collection tools in existence. It has been registering every micro-aggression, every premeditated silence, every strategic meeting that ended with you feeling inexplicably ashamed of yourself. It has been keeping a record your rational mind was too busy explaining away to read. You even begin gaslighting yourself.
A caged bird stops flying — but her wings don’t disappear. They wait. And your body has been waiting too, sending you the same signals on repeat, circling the same patterns and behaviour like a viscous looping cycle with the highs and lows of a roller coaster, hoping you’d finally listen and get off the ride:
Those are not anxiety symptoms. Those are signals. Your intuition is not irrational — it is pattern recognition and hypervigilance processed faster than language. When your gut says something is wrong, it has already done the math.
“You are not too sensitive. You are a finely calibrated human being in an environment that was never designed to hold someone like you. There is a difference.”
Document Everything — Your Sanity and Your Future Depend on It
One of the most disorienting features of narcissistic work environments is how they distort your perception of time and events. Gaslighting and blame shifting works precisely because memory is imperfect. The antidote is a paper trail you build deliberately, calmly, and consistently — not in anger, not in panic, but in the quiet determination of a woman who has decided she will no longer be rewritten.
What to document — and how
Date, time, and context — every significant incident, recorded the same day. Use your personal email or a private notes app. Never work systems.
Direct quotes where possible — “what was said” and “what I understood.” The verbatim record is what holds up when your version of events is later disputed.
Witnesses, even passive ones — who else was in the room? Who received the same email? You may not need them now. Document them anyway.
Impact on your work — missed deadlines caused by withheld information, reassigned projects, feedback that contradicted prior instructions. Connect behavior to outcomes.
Your physical and emotional state — briefly, honestly. “Couldn’t sleep. Anxious before Monday standup.” This is health data. It is relevant and it is real.
The pattern, not just the incident — one bad interaction is a bad day. Five entries over six weeks with the same dynamic is a pattern. Patterns are what decision-makers respond to.
You are not building a legal case, you are building a safe anchor — something solid to return to when the gaslighting makes you wonder if you imagined the whole thing. You didn’t. You never did.
There Is Light Inside You. It Has Not Gone Out.
Here is what I need you to hear before you close this tab and go back to managing the unmanageable:
The version of you that existed before this environment — the one with ideas that arrived fast, with confidence that didn’t need permission, with a sense of her own worth that wasn’t conditional on someone else’s approval — she is not gone. She has been momentarily dimmed. There is a difference. A light that has been dimmed can be reignited. It was never extinguished. It was only waiting for someone to stop standing in front of it.
I am not writing this from a comfortable distance. I have sat in rooms that made me feel invisible. I have worked under people whose validation I chased because I had forgotten — completely forgotten — that my worth was never theirs to assign. I have walked into Monday mornings with a knot in my stomach I couldn’t name and left Friday afternoons wondering how I became so insignificant so quietly.
And I have also sat on the other side of it. Not just survived it — decoded it. I reached a place of such hard-won clarity that I could finally see the entire architecture of what had happened: the patterns, the manipulation, the slow erosion disguised as management. And in that clarity, something extraordinary happened. The gifts came back. The ideas. The confidence. The voice that had learned to whisper began, slowly, to speak at full volume again, and this time louder to reach the masses.
That is why I built Resume Ninjas — not just as a career service, but as a place where the woman behind the résumé is seen first. Because I know what it costs to walk in carrying years of being told you are less than you are. I know how that shows up on a page — in the language you choose, in the achievements you minimize, in the way you describe yourself as though you need to apologize for taking up space.
I have held space for women who reached out in secret — one client was in a financially controlling marriage and couldn’t even use a payment card without being monitored. She found a way to me anyway. Before I wrote a single word of her résumé, she broke down in tears and said: “You’re an angel. I’m so grateful I called you.”
She wasn’t crying about the résumé. She was crying because someone had finally seen her — not her situation, not her circumstances — her. And now she proudly works for the Fraser Health Authority and earns more than her husband ever did.
I have worked with women returning from abusive relationships, from maternity leave, from years of being passed over and talked over and written off. I have watched them go from apologizing for their own career gaps to owning their stories with the kind of quiet authority that makes hiring managers lean forward. One client told me afterward: “I forgot how talented I was until Amen reminded me. I walked away not just with a job — but with confidence in myself again.”
This is why I am holding the light. Not because I have every answer — but because I have walked far enough out of the darkness to turn back and say clearly: it ends with us. You rise. We rise. The woman who comes out the other side of this will instill a quality of discernment, a depth of self-knowledge, and an unshakeable understanding of her own value that cannot be taught in any boardroom. It can only be earned. And you are earning it right now.
The cage was never locked. It only felt that way because you were exhausted, and you were doing it alone. You don’t have to do this part alone. Trust your wings. They have been waiting — and so have I.
“I forgot how talented I was until Amen reminded me. I walked away not just with a job — but with belief in myself again.”
Re-entering workforce · Domestic control survivor
“You’re an angel. I’m so grateful I called you.” — said before a single word of the résumé was written.
Client in crisis · First step toward independence
“Amen transformed my resume into a powerful document that truly reflects my skills and experience. The investment is well worth it.”
— Lenora Ede · Career reinvention
“Thanks to her help, I landed my desired job. Amen has provided outstanding service to me twice and I strongly recommend her expertise.”
Repeat client · Career advancement
Resume Ninjas · Surrey BC · Career + Empowerment
You are not the problem.
You are in the wrong place.
Resume Ninjas was built for the woman who is ready to walk through the right door — with a professional story that finally reflects the full truth of who she is, what she has survived, and what she is capable of.
Trauma-informed · Career-strategic · Woman-centered
“The cage was the story they told you.
Your wings are the truth. Rise.“
— Amen, The Alchemist · Resume Ninjas · 2026